Would you be upset if you found out your partner had a credit card you didn’t know about? Or, conversely, have you fudged numbers with your spouse about a recent purchase? Relationships can come with mixed feelings about money. So we asked more than 2,000 people for their opinions.
New Bankrate survey data reveals that two in five (40%) U.S. adults in a committed relationship (defined in this study as being married, in a civil partnership, or living with a romantic partner) have committed financial infidelity with their current partner. *Percentages are rounded.
Ironically, nearly half of Americans (45%) believe that keeping financial secrets is just as bad as physical infidelity.
Learn what secrets they are hiding and how to avoid money problems in your own relationship.
More than half of Americans are financially involved with their partner
First, let’s take a look at the relationship status of more than 2,000 Americans surveyed. Below is a snapshot of Americans’ romantic lives.
- Married: 44%
- Single: 30%
- Divorce: 8%
- Living with a partner but not married or in a civil partnership: 5%
- Widow: 5%
- In a relationship but not living together: 4%
- Civil partnership: 2%
- Separated but legally married or in a civil partnership: 1%
- Prefer not to say: 2 percent
- Others: <1%
In total, just over half (51%) of Americans are in a committed relationship. This means that they are also financially involved in some way with their partner.
Spending too much money is the most common financial secret
Taking overlap into account, a total of 40 percent of people in committed relationships have committed financial infidelity with their current spouse or partner. Of these, 31% have kept secrets in the past, and 21% still keep secrets.
And what’s the biggest factor keeping people quiet about their partners? waste. in particular:
- One in three Americans (33%) in a committed relationship say they have spent (19%) or are spending (13%) more money than their spouse or partner will allow.
- 23% continue to borrow money secretly (13%) or keep it hidden (10%).
- 17% have (10%) or have (8%) a secret credit card.
- 15% maintain (7%) or are in the process of maintaining (8%) a secret savings account.
- 13% have (7%) or have (7%) kept a secret checking account.
Most couples keep at least some money separate from their partner
We also asked Americans in committed relationships how they manage money while in a relationship. The result was a mix of individual and joint account usage.
Being open about your finances with your partner doesn’t necessarily mean you need to combine all your money. “Yours, mine, and ours” is an increasingly popular strategy.
— Ted Rothman
Bankrate Senior Industry Analyst
More than three in five Americans (62%) in committed relationships keep at least some of their money separate from each other. This includes 27 percent who maintain completely separate accounts and 34 percent who have a combination of separate and joint accounts.
Less than two in five (38%) use only joint accounts.
“My husband and I have been using the ‘yours, mine, and ours’ method for 16 years,” says Bankrate Senior Editor Brooklyn Lowery. She and her husband each receive $100 a month into their personal accounts, which they can spend as they wish. They call it “mad money.”
It’s worth noting that in some cases, separating your accounts can be a smarter way to spend your money. Setting aside some of your own money can help ensure your financial independence, even if you’re in a committed relationship. This is especially true for women, whose economic power may still lag behind that of men.
However, there is a difference between having a separate account and having a secret account.
“Although these are ‘personal’ accounts, they are fully accessible to both of us, so we can’t really hide anything,” Lowry explains.
Many Americans believe financial secrecy is just as bad as physical infidelity.
While most people would agree that physical infidelity, or cheating, is a failure in a relationship, nearly half (45%) of Americans who are married, in a civil partnership, or living with a partner think financial infidelity is at least as bad.
This includes 38 percent who say keeping financial secrets is as bad as physical infidelity, and 7 percent who say it’s worse.
Additionally, one in three Americans (33%) say keeping financial secrets is not as bad as physical infidelity.
Gen Z is most likely to keep financial secrets and keep their accounts separate
The likelihood of keeping financial secrets decreases with age. Two in three (67%) Gen Zers (ages 18-28) in a committed relationship have committed financial infidelity.
This compares to more than one in two Millennials (ages 29-44) (54%), Gen
On the other hand, Gen Z is also the most likely to say that these financial secrets are worse than physical infidelity. 63% of Gen Zers in committed relationships think financial infidelity is at least as bad as physical cheating.
Fifty-one percent of Millennials, 45 percent of Gen Xers, and 36 percent of Boomers said the same.
Nearly 9 out of 10 Gen Z couples have separate accounts
Among Gen Zers who are married, in a civil partnership, or living with a partner, nearly nine in 10 (88%) keep at least some of their money separate from their partner. 42% have a combination of separate and joint accounts, and 46% have only separate accounts.
This is significantly higher than Millennial couples (70%), Gen X couples (59%), and Boomer couples (52%).
“Young people in particular seem to enjoy having money to call their own,” said Ted Rothman, senior industry analyst at Bankrate. “Maintaining a separate account is not financial infidelity as long as you agree to the terms.”
3 ways to avoid financial mistakes in your relationship
Regardless of your age or marital status, it is possible to manage your finances together with your partner without keeping secrets. Talk about money — here are three ways to move the conversation forward.
- Let’s create a budget together. The basics of budgeting, like adding up your income, subtracting fixed expenses, and deciding how much to spend on fun purchases, will help you and your partner be on the same page. It may take several tries to set an agreed-upon budget. However, it holds you accountable and serves as a roadmap for achieving your goals together. “Create a budget so you can work toward your goals,” says Rothman. “It’s all about practicing open communication, setting the right priorities, and course-correcting as needed along the way.”
- Decide how to set up your account. There’s no right or wrong way to divide money as a couple, whether you have separate or joint accounts. However, many couples find the “you, me, and our” method helpful. In that case, you’ll need a joint account to manage shared costs, and an individual account to do whatever you want. It may be a good idea for couples to choose credit cards.
- Schedule a money date. A budget isn’t something you set and forget. To reach your financial goals as a couple, you need to regularly review your income and expenses. And if either of you has made a mistake, such as spending too much money on a certain category, money dating is a good opportunity to come clean and communicate with honesty and kindness. “Set regular payment dates with your spouse to get on the same page about upcoming expenses and long-term goals,” Rothman advises.